i pretend that i'm burning, burning bright

no matter the situation in my life, there is always a similar thread that runs through the way that i relate to it, and that is music. though i lack the talent and ability to play an instrument or sing, i cope by turning to a song. finding lyrics that i feel i can relate to and music that touches me in a such a deep way brings the entire situation down to a manageable size. i can handle anything if i can play the song that sounds the way i feel, and for those three to five minutes, i have it all under control. and if, when the song ends, i'm still not ready to deal, i just hit repeat, and feel it all again. eventually, i'm strong enough to breathe. 

this coping strategy has never been more exemplified than in my dealing with the death of my Grandma Bulah. easily, i can say that her passing was the most difficult thing that i have dealt with in my entire life. when i first learned that she was gone, i had a three hour drive between me and where i needed to be with my family, and there was only one song that i wanted to hear-- no, really needed to hear --to help me keep it together long enough to make it down the interstate. that song was "burning bright," by Shinedown. 

i remember the first time that i made the relation of that song to my life. it was one of my first Shinedown shows, at the state fair many, many years ago. the show was outside,  and before Brent introduced "burning bright" he told a story about his grandmother and what she had once told him about the stars, stars that were amazingly bright that night to have been in the center of louisville.  he said "my grandmother was the wisest person that i have ever known," and i instantly connected the story of his grandma to my Grandma Bulah, who was, and still is,  without doubt the wisest person i have ever known. (i'll let him explain the rest of his story in the video above.) 

it would only make sense that it would a song by my favorite band that would remind me of my favorite person. i loved all of my grandparents dearly, and was so blessed to have them, but with Grandma Bulah the relationship was different. even when i was little, she was my best friend. as my neighbor, she was often delegated the job of "kelli's babysitter" which meant days of gardening and exploring, nights of slumber parties and popcorn made on the stove, and more memories than i could ever type here. even as i got older, and chose to travel down the hill to her house willingly and not because mom said to, we still did those things as long as she was able. as she neared the end of her life, she could do less and less and our time together consisted mainly of talks in her room. but these talks, about anything and everything, meant just as much or more than our times together in the past. 


today marks the one-year anniversary of her death. as soon as i got into my car this morning, i didn't even turn my radio on. instead i flipped open my cd "suitcase" and pulled out Shinedown's Leave a Whisper. i put it in the cd player and skipped straight through the songs until i heard the notes of the guitar that i was searching for. "burning bright" played, and i cried. the catharsis that comes from hearing that song flooded me, and my eyes flooded accordingly. i cried all the way to work. i cried because i missed her, i cried because i missed so much time that i could have spent with her while she was still here and didn't, i cried because i was angry at god for taking away one of the kindest, sweetest, and just best people that had ever lived, and then cried a little more because i know i shouldn't question things like that. i cried because she won't be at my wedding, because my children won't have the chance to grow up with her like i did. mostly, i just cried because there is such a big hole in my heart, and my life, that my best friend used to fill, where her presence is irreplaceable.  

so until night falls and i can take the advice of Brent and go outside to look for answers in the stars, i will listen to "burning bright" and just remember. and cry. and question. and somehow, like i have done everyday for the past year, i will find a way to be ok. in her infinite wisdom, Grandma Bulah taught me how to be a strong, independent, intelligent, and generally good human. though she may not be here in body anymore, her spirit will live through me and all those who's lives she touched forever. i'm so lucky to have had the time with her that i did, but it doesn't make her being gone any easier. until i can handle this day, i'm going to hit repeat one more time...

i love you, and i miss you so much -- <3 kelli ann

     

         

buzzfest 2010- A Kick in the Teeth

Buzzfest 2010 ~ Sept 10 2010 ~ Nashville, Tennessee

Buzzfest, the annual outdoor music festival hosted by Nashville's 102.9 The Buzz, returned again September 10 to Music City, bringing with it some of the biggest names in rock to the town known for it's country roots.   

Lesser known bands Janus and Seven Day Binge kicked off the show, but when faced with driving through rainstorms and potentially standing outside in said rainstorms for bands I that didn't pass my "instant fan test" when I sampled their music online, I chose to skip out on their sets. Sick Puppies was a band I hadn't seen before but enjoyed, though, so I made sure to get to the stadium (well, technically outside of the stadium where the main stage was set up) just in time for their part of the show to start, but still rockin' the rain boots, just in case.

Sick Puppies put on a good show, playing the songs that had made them popular, but many of the songs were unfamiliar to me, and just didn't draw me in. (And, for the purpose of full disclosure, at the beginning of Sick Puppies set, Shinedown was in the autograph tent, so i'll honestly admit that I listened and watched from a distance as I nervously planned to finally get a picture with my favorite band ever, only to realize once I got to them that no pics were allowed, as usual. But, I think my addiction to their shows and my name dropping boyfriend finally made an impression on their memory, and Eric, Zach, Barry and Brent FINALLY recognized us. At least Eric did, because he said "Nice to see you guys again." If that ain't proof, then i don't know what is.) Back to the point, though: Overall, Sick Puppies put on a good show and were great musicians, especially with the awesome girl bass player, but they would have been much more appreciated later in the day.    

Next up on the stage was Drowning Pool. This was the point in the day where the entire feel of the show changed. Excitement levels went up (right along side many people's drunken levels) and the crowd started to pack closer and closer to the stage. The combination of all these elements led to one of the first big blood-shedding fights of the day, and once that happens, you know a real rock show is about to begin.

After resurfacing a few years ago from relative obscurity with the release of "Full Circle," Drowning Pool brought a strong mix of their new jams along with the older ones that put them on the map. The audience loved every second of their latest single "Feel Like I Do," and also "37 Stitches," but the real reaction came as they finally played the one song we all had been waiting for: "Bodies." Hands shot to the air as they counted down the "nothing wrong with me's" and "something's got to give's" and collectively screamed the chorus to the song. As their set closed, the crowd was pumped up and ready for the rest of the lineup.       

As the sun started its decent down through the Nashville skyline, the stage lit up as Papa Roach kicked off their set. By this point, the crowd was just a lit up as the stage (but what else would you expect when a beer brand is the sponsor of a show?) and that was just the energy that was perfect for Papa Roach to feed off of.  They didn't play a bad song. Hit after hit, the new residents of Indie label Eleven Seven Music only played one song that the fans didn't know all the words to, but it was obvious that"Burn," off their newly released "Time for Annihilation" is destined to join the ranks of "Scars" and "Getting Away with Murder."

Frontman Jacoby Shaddix is widely known for his vocal abilities and front-man abilities, but the rest of the band really had a chance to show off during an extended intro into "Forever," proving that they were more than just a band with a good singer- they're an all around awesome band, with a live show that grabs you and doesn't let go.

By the time that Papa Roach had left the stage after a set cut short because of thunderstorm chances for the area, on and off sprinkles left the audience damp from the rain and sweat from the day's unexpected heat (remember, i was wearing rain boots--rubber rain boots.  rubber rain boots+no real rain+pretty outrageous heat= a slightly perturbed kelli with really hot feet. not so pleasant.) But, Seether was next on the list, so there was not time for whining, sitting, or even a much needed pee-break. I had made my way to the very front and not-quite center, so I was there to stay.

I must admit, I was a little weary of the Seether show. The last time I had seen them, it was right after the death of singer Shaun Morgan's brother. That show's mood was somber to say the least, still amazing, but Morgan had no interaction with the audience. He just sang the songs (really, really well!) and that was it. From the time the South African band took the stage, though, the feeling was different. Morgan conversated (i think i just made that word up, but i like it, so i'll keep it) with the audience, smiling and enjoying himself and, oh yeah, rocking out, too.

They plowed through favorites like "Fine Again" and their version of "Careless Whisper." We were even treated to a sneak preview of a new song from their soon to be released follow up to 2009's "Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces." A really beautiful part of their set came as Dale Stewart traded his bass for a guitar did a acoustic version of "Broken" with Morgan. Literally every voice in the audience sang along as they played a few verses.




Under a sky that had darkened from both clouds and the fading sun, the audience knew that after Seether left the stage, headliners Shinedown would soon be taking hold of the reins for the rest of the night (horse reference...the world equestrian games coming to lexington this week must be getting to me).





As you know if you've read any of my other blogs or know me at all, this was not my first Shinedown rodeo (horses? again!? ugghh!!). I had seen them about a month before at the Carnival of Madness, along side Sevendust, Chevelle, etc. I've seen them a couple other times for their Sound of Madness tour as well, so to say that I basically have the set memorized is an understatement.

 I was slightly disappointed with the set up time that it took. I don't know exactly how long it took, I didn't time it though I wish I would have, but it was slightly exorbitant. The crowd got irritated and even began throwing bottles and cans onto the stage, yelling and just becoming unruly. Eventually, the white sheet was raised up and 99 problems blasted over the speakers, and I (thanks to my extensive Shinedown experience) knew that the show was about to start.           

 

This set was basically the same as the Carnival of Madness (which varied only slightly from Sound of Madness, but I'm not complaining. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Plus, how different can you make the show with no new album?) Brent, who in case you live under a rock or are just not as obsessed as i am is the singer of Shinedown, did the whole "look to the left and to the right of you, make friends, we're the only people in the world who matter right now" and before "If You Only Knew" gave his little speech about how women are the most beautiful creatures on Earth. I enjoyed them just as much as the first time I heard them. He also did the whole "rise" element of the show, and for those of you who don't know what that is, I'll let you go to your first Shinedown show and experience that for yourself.  It's pretty sweet :)

The rest of the show was amazing, as usual, with a mix of songs from all their albums, including an acoustic version of "Simple Man" that is always a winner with the crowd. But, during "Second Chance," my heart broke a little. Now, I am not so obtuse that I believe that every sound that I hear is live during the show, but i really believed that all of Brent's singing was live. But watch the video, specifically around the 16 second mark and see if you catch what I caught.        

Overall, though, the show was great. Shinedown puts on the best show of any rock band out today, with some of the best music as well. It is highly unlikely that the people who saw them for the first time aren't big fans now. Shinedown has the power to do that to ya. 

Buzzfest is almost guaranteed to be a great show, every year. With bands like Shinedown, Seether, and Papa Roach you can know that for the cheap ticket price you get an amazing concert. This year was no different--Buzzfest 2010's verdict: Simply Amazing, with scattered sprinkles, rain boots suggested.